Part 1 of a 3 Part Series
Are You Pretending This Rocky Beach
Is the White Sand of Aruba?
Lana writes:
Two years ago I met an out-of-state man online. He’s 59; I’m 49. After 3 mos. of email, phone calls, and a five day visit where we got along great and made love, I moved near him.
I was crazy about him and I thought he felt the same. Right away I asked him to stop seeing other women. He said, NO. He didn’t invite me over after that, but we continued to talk.
Finally, I told him how I felt about him and he said I was crazy. I was very hurt and confused and would say all kinds of crazy things to him. I didn’t know how to react to all of his rejection.
After almost a year, I needed a place to live, so I asked him if I could rent his furnished basement. He said yes. I was hoping this would move our friendship to something more.
It was a nightmare. I could hear him talking to other women on the phone and one night he had another woman over. I stayed in my basement dying the whole time.
I couldn’t take it. I moved out, but I kept in touch with him and his daughter who had become like an adopted daughter to me. Recently his daughter wanted me to move back and he consented. So, here I am living in his house.
Now his attitude towards me has been nothing but kind. I asked again about wanting to be intimate. He tells me I should find a boyfriend … someone with a nice house, who has money etc. The problem is I want him, not someone else.
Eva, I’m told I’m a very good looking woman. What do you make of this situation? It’s driving me batty and I’m not in a situation to move…not that I want to.
Lana, dear precious Lana,
Do you want this man or the right man?
I know, I know, you think he is the right one for you. The truth is, the right one for you:
· Wants you to be his wife.
· Doesn’t dump you when you ask to have a monogamous relationship.
· Doesn’t tell you to go find a boyfriend.
· Doesn’t pursue other women or have them over for sex.
· Is proud to say to the world, “This is my woman!”
You know that this man isn’t the right one for you. Now it is time to accept it.
Resistance to “what is” is the cause of all pain.
The remedy to resistance is acceptance of the truth!
If you want to be out of your anguish, you must ACCEPT
the truth of things AS THEY ARE!
Accept That This Man Does NOT Want You for His Mate
1. Even if he gives you mixed signals with his words, his actions tell the real story. If he wanted you, it would be obvious.
2. It’s time to let go of your attachment to him – Stop making him the source of your happiness and/or anguish. When his words or actions cause you to be happy (or unhappy), then you are setting yourself up to be a victim of what he says and does.
3. It’s time for you to take back your power and find your happiness within yourself. Then you will never be a victim again.
Look for my next post for Part 2 of my 3 Part answer to Lana.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving your comment especially if you have learned to pick the right guy for you.
How to leave a comment:
- From the blog, click on the blue ‘No Comments’ link at the bottom of this post or there may be a number in front of ‘Comments’ indicating how many comments have been left.
- From your email, scroll up and click on the title which will take you to the blog and at the bottom of the post you will find the comment box already open ready for your comment.
Also, I welcome your feedback, requests for topics that you’d like for me to cover, and questions.
If you don’t want to miss a post you can subscribe in the box near the top on the right (titled ‘Subscribe Here’) to have future articles delivered to your email inbox as they become available. Of course, you can unsubscribe at any time.
And you can email me your relationship questions at eva@relationshipfulfillmentfactor.com
Gosh, it sounds as if the honest, clear comunication in this relationship stopped BEFORE the move Lana made. It sounds as if you assumed, Lana, that he wanted you near (since you made love?) and when you got there and started expressing your needs he started expressing his.
It’s easy to make him the bad guy and make him out to be a jerk. I simply think that your timing on the honest conversations was off.
So now you know where he stands. And you know where you stand. Do you want to spend your life hoping he will come around? That could be a very long, sad journey….and people do that. Is that what you want?
You mentioned you are a good looking woman. Lana, when it comes to relationships, as you are experiencing, the emtions are far more important than the looks. The good news is that you can use your looks to attract men’s attention so you have an advantage in the game of finding a mate. You are, though, worthy of more than being physically admired.
I’ve been married very, very happily for nearly 20 years and I agree with Eva’s list. My husband ADORES ME and his love lifts me up every day in so many ways. It’s real and it’s possible. I hope you choose that for your lilfe–I hope all women do!