Relationship Fulfillment Factor

Paint the Picture that YOU
Want to Live!

Part 3 in a 3 Part Series

Weave your hopes and dreams into the fabric of your conversations. Share what you want your life with him to be like.

Let him see your vision of the two of you happy, in love, resolving conflict with both of you looking out for the other.

When he grumbles about your relationship (or anything else), give him a different perspective on how you see things working and being good.

This is not a lecture on how he should change. This is a vision of your desires for the future. This is providing the relationship leadership that he needs and wants from you.

Men Look To Women for Guidance in Their Relationships
They really don’t have a clue about relationships and if you are depending on him to guide your relationship, it will end up in the ditch.

It’s up to you to be the “thought leader,” expressing your desires and vision for your relationship and even if he doesn’t say so, he will appreciate you showing the way in this area that is difficult for him.

Example Of Painting The Picture

If he says, “You don’t appreciate how hard I work. You just think money grows on trees.”

If you React you say, “Well you don’t exactly show any appreciation for all that I do to cook for you, take care of the kids and the house, run your errands, blah, blah, blah.

If you Respond you say, “I do see how hard you work, and I appreciate you. I look forward to the time when you really feel how grateful I am for all that you do for our family.”    

This is painting the picture. You want him to feel your gratitude. Now in his mind, he has the picture of feeling your gratitude. That seed will grow in the sunshine of your continued encouragement.

Also, now he doesn’t have an argument. You just agreed with him and trumped his comment with your vision. At first he may grumble even more when you respond because he is used to having an argument. It may take time for him to ‘hear’ that you aren’t reacting in your old way.

Give him time. He will trust that you really do appreciate him and want the best for him when he sees you consistently responding in a positive way.

Don’t Paint the Picture That is Your Nightmare
If you tell him all the reasons why your marriage isn’t going to work, you will find yourself living that nightmare.

Being the champion of your relationship
is a gift you are giving yourself

If after you give these recommendations a good workout, you are not able to have a productive discussion, then it’s time to get some outside help.

The Consequences of NOT Having a Good Talk
If you don’t have this conversation (probably a series of conversations) and the two of you are not able to begin the journey of rebuilding trust (on both sides), then your bewilderment will likely turn to anger and your love will turn to hate.

Don’t put this off with the excuse that your lives are too busy. I talk to couples all the time that put it off until it is too late. Don’t let yourself become a divorce statistic.

Let me know how it goes.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving your comment.

How to leave a comment:

• From the blog, click on the blue ‘No Comments’ link at the bottom of this post or there may be a number in front of ‘Comments’ indicating how many comments have been left.
• From your email, scroll up and click on the title which will take you to the blog and at the bottom of the post you will find the comment box already open ready for your comment.

Also, I welcome your feedback, requests for topics that you’d like for me to cover, and questions.

If you don’t want to miss a post you can subscribe in the box near the top on the right (titled ‘Subscribe Here’) to have future articles delivered to your email inbox as they become available. Of course, you can unsubscribe at any time.

And you can email me your relationship questions at eva@relationshipfulfillmentfactor.com

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 14th, 2009 at 10:51 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.