Stop Hiding in the Fog of Your Good Intentions
Now that you have seen how you set up your relationship (mostly by being unconscious of what you were doing), it is time to repair the damage.
Realize this is going to take some time - Your relationship didn’t get in this shape overnight and it’s not going to change overnight.
Start asking for what you want - For all of the times that you gave up your desires (and disappeared from the relationship), with the idea that you were doing the ‘right’ thing, you now need to show up. Asking for what you want is easier than you think.
How You Ask Makes All the Difference!
Be happy that you know what you want - Most women are clueless about what they want, so when you know, instead of being ashamed (old programming) or afraid that you aren’t going to get it, be happy.
Trust that you are going to get it - Just by asking, you increase your chances of getting what you desire by 100%. If you don’t let someone know what you want, the secret will die with you and your life will be poorer for it. When you put your desires out to the Universe, the Universe has a way of delivering! Sometimes it’s through your man. : )
Be happy when you ask - Have fun describing your dreams and sharing your desires. (If you’re feeling crabby, keep ’em to yourself.)
Set your man up to succeed - When you let your man in on the secrets of what you want, it gives him a way to hit a home run with you. It sets him up for success. He now knows what will make you happy and the thing he wants most is to put a smile on your face.
Give him the what not the how - Let your guy have the fun of coming up with how to deliver your desires. Just let him know what you want. Paint the picture of the end result. If you want a new TV for your bedroom, let him know if you want a flat screen, what size, and how it will improve your life. (It will be so much more pleasing to your eyes!) Then let him figure out which one is the best and how to make it happen. If you get involved, it takes away his feeling of being THE MAN.
If he grumbles - Know that he is already thinking about how to deliver your request. He’s thinking about what he doesn’t have, which is why he is grumbling. He’s afraid he’ll disappoint you. If you snap back at him when he grumbles, you will kill his energy for delivering your request. Just smile and say, “Honey, I trust that you will do the right thing.” Then shut up about it and leave him alone to figure it out.
Give your man a win - Let him know how much you appreciate him for what he does for you. The more acknowledgements you give him, the more he will want to do for you. Be genuine and specific. (See my blog from April 9th for the step-by-step.)
Don’t start with what you DON’T want - Give your guy something he can do! Not something NOT to do. Say, “Honey, I’d love it if you’d put your briefcase on the desk when you come in the door. It looks so much better there than on the dining room table.” You could tell him a thousand times “Don’t put your briefcase on the dining room table” and he would still put his briefcase on the dining room table. He doesn’t hear the “Don’t.” Tell him what you want!
Watch for Part 3 of Are You Frustrated with Your Man? to discover more ways to repair the dynamics of your relationship so you can be true to yourself, get your needs met, and enjoy your man again.
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